Everything Hurt Except My Heart
How do we find the strength to keep going despite enormous pressure to give up? When doors keep slamming shut in front of us, how can we wait till a new one opens?
We’ve all found ourselves stuck in a doom loop at one time. You know the feeling: Your best efforts aren’t bearing fruit and, no matter where you turn, you don’t see a way forward.
I’ve been feeling a bit this way lately. While walking the other day, I noticed a slight shift when I thought of the Japanese word gaman.
Gaman is “the ability to persevere and tolerate things that are unexpected or bad, difficult to get through,” according to anthropologist David Slater, at Tokyo’s Sophia University. (See BBC article on the pros and cons of gaman)
As someone who sees herself as self-directed and proactive, I found this concept hard to swallow when I first heard it. But I’ve come to understand that I lack the power to control anything besides my responses to what’s happening in the world and in my life. (See “Release the Illusion of Control”)
What also helps me right-size my discomfort is bringing to mind the forbearance of people who suffered immense hardship -- Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison, the Japanese Americans interned in US camps during WWII and other political prisoners around the world.
Throughout their confinement, they kept their dignity and humanity by resisting in ways they could and keeping their bodies and psyches robust through exercise, prayer, writing and creative pursuits.
What Fills Your Heart So You Can Stay the Course?
I recently heard an interview with Cheryl Strayed describing what she learned during her solo 1,100-mile wilderness hike from Mexico to Canada. She wrote about the lessons in a 2012 memoir called Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail, the basis of a popular Reese Witherspoon film.
At age 26, Strayed set out on the journey early in recovery from heroin addiction and grieving her mother’s premature death. In the interview, she said that she’d undertaken the trek to find emotional healing. A few days in, though, she faced daunting physical hardships, including an over-heavy pack and extreme weather, that forced her to focus on basic survival. Her psychological transformation emerged gradually as she overcame both external and internal challenges, including the belief that she wasn’t up to the task.
Reflecting on those early days of her hike, she told the interviewer, “Everything hurt except my heart.”
The comment struck a chord and is helping me stay true to my core values and reaffirm my goals based on them. I’m inspired to keep on keeping on and, like so many others, to just put one foot in front of the other when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What or who inspires you to endure challenges?
A note about over-tolerating pain: If you have a nagging feeling that you might be accepting too much pain or hardship at work, please listen to that voice. If you would benefit from a supportive thought partner to get unstuck and away from a toxic boss or workplace, let’s talk soon.