How To Set Boundaries at Work to Avoid Burnout
Yan Krukov, Pexels
Learning how to set boundaries at work is one of the most important skills you can develop for your career and wellbeing. As you have no doubt experienced, boundary trespassers show up in a variety of guises.
One of my clients had a boss who frequently added new tasks to her already overfull job; she considered quitting due to the growing stress from overwork;
Another client’s boss asked her to schedule meetings and perform other administrative tasks, even though she had been promoted to program director;
A third client was frustrated with a new staffer who regularly interrupted her while she worked in her office with the door closed.
I left a great job after my efforts to maintain a manageable workload failed to bring about the relief I sought from impending burnout.
A 2021 piece in Harvard Business Review offers helpful insights about the ways setting and holding boundaries is hard::
“Boundary predators rely on their power and authority — and your passivity — to get what they want. It’s up to you to push back by understanding how to create boundaries and maintain them.”
“Unlike laws or national boundaries, personal boundaries don’t exist on their own; you have to will them into existence through conversation, especially if you aren’t in a position of power.”
Better Boundaries Make Better Leaders
Leadership is characterized by such critically important “soft skills” as resilience, empathy, authenticity and emotional self-control. Key to many of these skills is the ability to discern when a new boundary is needed and to communicate it clearly, respectfully and repeatedly with the people you need to understand and honor it.
Another HBR article (this one from 2022) states that boundaries can be challenging to address because they compel us to confront painful memories from our past.
“At their core, boundaries are all about who we give power to. They force us to analyze why we may not be giving ourselves permission to work and live in the way that we feel is best for our well-being,” the later article states. “If we’re not deciding our lives, schedules, and workloads, who is? Boundaries allow us to decide when, how, and if we give this power away.”
How to Set Boundaries at Work
First, be clear what the problem is, who’s involved and what you believe is the best solution. Muster up your courage, select a good time to speak to your boss or co-worker, when there’s ample time but not too much. Be sure you’re well rested, emotionally regulated and calm.
Other tips from the 2021 HBR article include:
Set Agreements Up Front
Set an agreement up front on the parameters you need to accomplish a task or meet a request. Be sure all parties are clear and can reflect back to you their understanding.
Remind Others of Your Credentials
Remind others of your credentials. “Setting boundaries, no matter how casual, requires some authority, The HBR piece said. “Briefly referring to the expertise you bring to the table gives you additional power in boundary negotiations.”
Expect Your Boundaries to Be Challenged
Expect your boundaries to be challenged and be prepared. Decide on a case by case basis if you’ll concede to a request one more time or hold firm on the boundary. Consider negotiating a win-win. For example, you might say, “I’ll do it [the task] one last time, but consider lending me another person so I can teach them how to do it next time.”
Ask Clarifying Questions Before Committing
Ask open-ended clarifying questions before committing to any extra work. Your goal is a deeper understanding of the rationale. The added information will help you hold your boundaries down the road.
Offer Alternatives Instead of Saying No Directly
Try not to say “no” directly. Instead, offer viable alternatives that lay bare the trade-offs involved. An example might be: “Which of the current projects I’m working on should I set aside to focus on this new one?” My post Say No with Confidence! talks about this kind of approach.
Don't Overexplain
Resist the temptation to offer reasons for setting a boundary; don’t overexplain. Providing too much information invites discussion. I used to offer a lot of reasons for a requested boundary, but found that more often than not, the other person was listening carefully for any loophole to avoid complying. I stopped doing that.
Setting boundaries at work can be tough. It helps to have someone in your corner while you build the skill. If you'd like to explore how working with a coach can help you set boundaries and tackle the other challenges keeping you from going from surviving to thriving, I offer a free half-hour discovery call.