Wed Curiosity and Empathy with Accountability for Best Results
Ever pondered how someone you disagree with strongly came to their beliefs?
Are you baffled by the way people on the same team can view a work situation through many different lenses?
Do you ever wonder why some of your direct reports breeze through their tasks, asking questions to guide them, while others often miss deadlines, but hesitate to ask for help?
If yes, what steps have you taken to understand what’s behind how someone sees the world or views their job?
Today’s social sector workplaces are a jumble of generations, values, lived experiences and personalities. This complexity requires us to navigate difference with more sensitivity and finesse than ever before.
According to Jeff Wetzler in FastCompany, the most successful leaders aren’t those with all the answers; they’re the ones who ask the best questions. As borne out by substantial research, curious leaders – and those with higher overall emotional intelligence – make better decisions, build stronger relationships and promote more innovative workplace cultures. (See Leadership, Self-Awareness and Joy)
Wetzler, author of Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life, was inspired by Braver Angels, an organization focusing on bridging partisan divides. He developed a 4-part Curiosity Curve to improve interpersonal and leadership skills through curiosity and empathy:
Imagine Your Way into Curiosity
Empathize Your Way into Curiosity
Experiment Your Way into Curiosity
Enlist Your Way into Curiosity
Pair Empathy with Accountability
If you worry that being curious and caring will make you look weak and unable to drive effective teams, rest assured that it’s possible to wed empathy and accountability.
In a recent post, my colleague Eugene Dilan’s team offers a framework to do so, based on neuroscientist Jean Decety's definition of empathy -- “the capacity to understand and feel what others are experiencing while maintaining clear self-other boundaries.”
The latter phrase is key, Team Dilan says, since empathy without boundaries ("emotional contagion") can lead to burnout and rescuing, including the highly toxic “Savior Complex.” (See Time to Rescue Yours Truly)
“Leaders stuck here may avoid hard conversations or hold back critical feedback,” the post notes.
In contrast, leaders who focus on accountability without empathy are apt to instill fear and defensiveness. This “command and control” approach may prompt compliance, but it won’t invite stellar performative.
Team Dilan recommends Empathetic Accountability -- “the practice of holding people (and ourselves) to clear, meaningful standards that honor their humanity, emotions, and dignity.”
“Leaders who operate in this space create environments where people feel safe to take risks, own mistakes and stretch toward potential,” they write. “Psychological safety is the #1 predictor of team performance, as confirmed by leading organizational studies.”
I’ve written a lot about psychological safety and worked with nonprofit and foundation leaders to create safe and accountable workplaces that ensure staff feel seen, included and trusted. Only when workers feel safe will they be able to engage fully in their work, feel free to ask for clarity and feedback and do their best. (See Demystifying Psychological Safety and Create a Work Culture Where Employees Thrive)
Team Dilan offers a 5-step process to build a culture of empathetic accountability and psychological safety. Not surprising, it begins with curiosity and includes modeling humility as well as building in time for reflection and repair.
I agree wholeheartedly with their conclusion: “You can be both compassionate and direct, care deeply and challenge fiercely.”
Consider reaching out if you could use support and guidance to build your leadership muscles for empathetic accountability.