The Difference Mattering Makes
Volunteers at a food bank pack boxes of food. Image: RDNE, Pexels
Lately I’ve been wondering how much I matter to the various people in my life as I face a big transition.
It’s an important question for every one of us. Studies show that for optimal mental health, we needs to feel we’re important to others. It’s especially critical during major life changes, as I'm learning.
No doubt you matter a lot to your immediate family and close friends. You matter to your extended family and other friends. Ideally, you matter to your boss and coworkers. If you’re self-employed, you matter to your clients.
What is "Mattering"?
In Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, Jennifer Breheny Wallace argues that feeling valued and needed by others is fundamental to our wellbeing.
Wallace, the NYT bestselling author of Never EnoughWhen Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It, discusses the many ways knowing others see us as important and worthy of dignity buffers us from anxiety, depression and loneliness.
In this fascinating book, Wallace cites compelling research showing mattering’s psychologically protective properties. To bring them to life, she tells stories of people she met who turned their lives around by taking steps to matter more to others.
People she met told her they used to feel they had no purpose but now volunteer at a food bank, read to children at the library, grocery shop for their elderly neighbors and do other acts of service that boost their mental health as well as that of the people they're helping.
In one story, a newly divorced man moves to a new city and struggles to find community; he believes he no longer matters to anyone. At work, his boss is distant and cold, and none of his co-workers invite him out or over for dinner. He feels lonely and depressed.
One day, he shares his struggles with an old friend who wonders if he might enjoy caring for a pet. Skeptical at first, the man eventually adopts a cat from the local shelter. Instantly, he realizes that he matters a great deal to this furry creature who showers him with attention and affection.
He stops staying late at work to fill time, knowing that his kitty relies on him to feed and play with her. He’s excited to talk with co-workers about his new pet and finds several who love talking about their animals. He begins to make friends and soon his depression lifts.
How Does Mattering Matter for Leaders?
In the story above, we see how important work is to our sense that we matter in life. Right now, AI is bringing unprecedented stress to workplaces. Add persistent grind-culture burnout and it’s clear today’s leaders need to pay urgent attention to the potent protective benefits conferred by mattering.
In just one study, Gallup found that employees who felt authentically and personally recognized by their bosses were more engaged, productive and far less likely to have changed jobs two years later.
On the flip side, when an employee is treated as replaceable or isn’t thanked or acknowledged as valuable, they’re probably heading for the door.
Ways to Show Your People They Matter
In 2024, Wallace conducted an international survey of over 2000 employees across industries. Survey respondents mentioned moments in which they felt they mattered at work:
· “When my boss asked my opinion”
· “When my boss praised my work on a challenging project”
· “When a coworker said, ‘I Iove working with you’”
· “When my boss sent me a Christmas card thanking me for all I do”
· “When I was shown leniency”
You’ve likely heard this one before: While touring a NASA facility in 1962, President Kennedy asked a janitor what work he did there. The cleaner responded, “I’m helping put a man on the moon.”
This story illustrates why mattering matters. Organizations whose leaders care about their employees and make sure everyone sees their work as mission critical are capable of achieving astonishing results like putting the first person on the moon.
What win-win practices can you start today to boost your employees’ sense of mattering?