Is Self-Reflection Bad for Us?
Pensive woman looking off into space; her left hand on her face. Credit: TImur Weber, Pexels
Before I read David Brooks recent “Marc Andreessen’s Mistake” in The Atlantic, I thought it was self-evident that reflecting on our actions, attitudes and setbacks was good for our professional and emotional growth. We would be able to examine our behaviors and beliefs, cull lessons about ourselves, others and the world, come to a degree of acceptance, then make positive changes accordingly. (See my post “Leadership, Self-awareness and Joy.”)
Brooks’ essay challenged my assumption and inspired this post.
His title comes from a recent podcast interview with billionaire investor Marc Andreessen during which he said that he has “zero” introspection. “I’ve found people who dwell in the past get stuck in the past. It’s a real problem,” he told podcaster David Senra.
A humanist, Brooks strongly objects to the idea that a well-lived life is possible without self-knowledge. But he admits that not all introspection is helpful.
The “poster child for bad introspection,” he says, is novelist Leo Tolstoy. In an 1851 journal entry, Tolstoy lists that day’s moral failures: “Arose somewhat late and read, but did not have time to write. Poiret came, I fenced, and did not send him away (sloth and cowardice). Ivanov came, I spoke with him for too long (cowardice). Koloshin (Sergei) came to drink vodka, I did not escort him out (cowardice).”
Such unproductive reflection perpetuates self-absorption, narcissism and shame. Accompanied by self-flagellating inner dialogue, it stymies insight and growth.
So how can we ensure our own introspection is the good kind, the kind that promotes change in the right direction?
Keys to Positive Self-Reflection
As I wrote in a prior post, offering yourself compassion when you’ve received negative feedback or learned disappointing news is the essential first step for understanding what went wrong.
Another step is to clarify what you and you alone can control and change—instead of ruminating on what another person or persons did or lamenting that the stars are aligned against you. And then take steps to change your beliefs and actions.
Once you’ve figured out what you need to learn from setbacks, reaffirm your core values and top priorities and connect the lessons to strategies to stay aligned with them.
How Curious Are You?
A further prerequisite for productive self-reflection is genuine curiosity about ourselves, other people, places and situations.
A Greater Good Science Center article argues that curiosity, a trait related to but distinct from introspection, is a superpower we can develop. Like any muscle in our body, it can be strengthened by daily practice.
To build curiosity, Scott Shigeoka, author of SEEK: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World., created the four-phase DIVE model:
· Detach: Let go of your ABCs (assumptions, biases, certainty),
· Intend: Prepare your mindset and setting,
· Value: See the dignity of every person, including yourself, and
· Embrace: Welcome the hard times in your life.
The above and other practices appear on the results page after you’ve taken Shigeoka’s Curiosity Quiz.
I’m curious to hear what you thought of this blog post and how YOU scored on the curiosity quiz, if you were curious how you’d score!