Is Self-Reflection Hurting You?
Woman looking pensive; left hand on her left cheek. Credit: TImur Weber, Pexels
Before I read opinion writer David Brooks' recent piece in The Atlantic, I thought it was obvious that reflecting on our actions, attitudes and setbacks was good for our mental health and would promote personal and professional growth.
Examining what happened and culling lessons about ourselves, others and the world, we’d come to acceptance and peace. These reflections would motivate us to transform our insights into positive changes.
But the article, Marc Andreessen’s Mistake, poked holes in my assumptions and inspired this post.
The title comes from a recent podcast interview with billionaire investor Marc Andreessen during which he said that he has --and seeks to have -- “zero” introspection. “I’ve found that people who dwell in the past get stuck in the past. It’s a real problem,” he told host David Senra.
A humanist, Brooks strongly objects to the idea that a well-lived life is possible without self-knowledge. But he admits that not all introspection is helpful.
The “poster child for bad introspection,” he says, is novelist Leo Tolstoy. In an 1851 journal entry, Tolstoy lists that day’s moral failures: “Arose somewhat late and read, but did not have time to write. Poiret came, I fenced, and did not send him away (sloth and cowardice). Ivanov came, I spoke with him for too long (cowardice). Koloshin (Sergei) came to drink vodka, I did not escort him out (cowardice).”
Such unproductive reflection perpetuates self-pity, narcissism and shame. Accompanied by self-flagellating inner dialogue, it stymies insight and growth.
So how can we ensure our own introspection is the good kind, the kind that promotes change in the right direction?
Keys to Productive Self-Reflection and Self-Awareness
As I wrote in a prior post, offering yourself compassion when you’ve received negative feedback or learned disappointing news is the essential first step for understanding what went wrong.
Another step is to clarify what I shared in a different post— identify specifically what you and you alone can control and change, instead of ruminating on what another person or persons did or lamenting that the stars are aligned against you.
Once you’ve figured out what you need to learn from setbacks, it’s a good time to reaffirm your core values and top priorities and connect the lessons to a plan — action steps — to stay aligned with them.
How Curious Are You?
A further prerequisite for productive self-reflection is genuine curiosity about ourselves, other people, places and situations.
A Greater Good Science Center article argues that curiosity — a trait related to but distinct from introspection — is a superpower we can develop. Like any muscle in our body, we can strengthen it with daily exercise.
The "DIVE" model, developed by Scott Shigeoka, author of SEEK: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World, can help us. The model’s four phases (ways to change our thoughts and behaviors) are:
· Detach: Let go of your ABCs (assumptions, biases, certainty),
· Intend: Prepare your mindset and setting,
· Value: See the dignity of every person, including yourself, and
· Embrace: Welcome the hard times in your life.
Note: the above info from the GGSC article, plus other curiosity-boosting practices, appear on the results page after you’ve taken Shigeoka’s quick Curiosity Quiz.
I’m curious to hear what you thought of this blog post and how YOU scored on the curiosity quiz, if you were curious how you’d score!